Sources:bronnieware.com & realfarmacy.com
For
many years I worked in palliative care. My patients were those who had gone
home to die. Some incredibly special times were shared. I was with them for the
last three to twelve weeks of their lives.
People
grow a lot when they are faced with their own mortality. I learnt never to
underestimate someone’s capacity for growth. Some changes were phenomenal. Each
experienced a variety of emotions, as expected, denial, fear, anger, remorse,
more denial and eventually acceptance. Every single patient found their peace
before they departed though, every one of them. When questioned about any
regrets they had or anything they would do differently, common themes surfaced
again and again. Here are the most common five:
01. I wish I’d had the courage to live a
life true to myself, not the life others expected of me.
This
was the most common regret of all. When people realise that their life is
almost over and look back clearly on it, it is easy to see how many dreams have
gone unfulfilled. Most people had not honoured even a half of their dreams and
had to die knowing that it was due to choices they had made, or not made.
It is
very important to try and honour at least some of your dreams along the way.
From the moment that you lose your health, it is too late. Health brings a
freedom very few realise, until they no longer have it.
02. I wish I didn’t work so hard.
This
came from every male patient that I nursed. They missed their children’s youth
and their partner’s companionship. Women also spoke of this regret. But as most
were from an older generation, many of the female patients had not been
breadwinners. All of the men I nursed deeply regretted spending so much of
their lives on the treadmill of a work existence.
By
simplifying your lifestyle and making conscious choices along the way, it is
possible to not need the income that you think you do. And by creating more
space in your life, you become happier and more open to new opportunities, ones
more suited to your new lifestyle.
03. I wish I’d had the courage to express
my feelings.
Many
people suppressed their feelings in order to keep peace with others. As a
result, they settled for a mediocre existence and never became who they were
truly capable of becoming. Many developed illnesses relating to the bitterness
and resentment they carried as a result.
We
cannot control the reactions of others. However, although people may initially
react when you change the way you are by speaking honestly, in the end it
raises the relationship to a whole new and healthier level. Either that or it
releases the unhealthy relationship from your life. Either way, you win.
04. I wish I had stayed in touch with my
friends.
Often
they would not truly realise the full benefits of old friends until their dying
weeks and it was not always possible to track them down. Many had become so
caught up in their own lives that they had let golden friendships slip by over
the years. There were many deep regrets about not giving friendships the time
and effort that they deserved. Everyone misses their friends when they are
dying.
It is
common for anyone in a busy lifestyle to let friendships slip. But when you are
faced with your approaching death, the physical details of life fall away.
People do want to get their financial affairs in order if possible. But it is
not money or status that holds the true importance for them. They want to get things
in order more for the benefit of those they love. Usually though, they are too
ill and weary to ever manage this task. It is all comes down to love and
relationships in the end. That is all that remains in the final weeks, love and
relationships.
05. I wish that I had let myself be
happier.
This is
a surprisingly common one. Many did not realise until the end that happiness is
a choice. They had stayed stuck in old patterns and habits. The so-called
‘comfort’ of familiarity overflowed into their emotions, as well as their
physical lives. Fear of change had them pretending to others, and to their
selves, that they were content. When deep within, they longed to laugh properly
and have silliness in their life again.
When
you are on your deathbed, what others think of you is a long way from your
mind. How wonderful to be able to let go and smile again, long before you are
dying.
Life is
a choice. It is YOUR life. Choose consciously, choose wisely, choose honestly.
Choose happiness.
