With so many self-help tools and research aimed at helping
us be more joyful, it’s pretty obvious that the pursuit of happiness is in
vogue — but what’s the best way to get there?
The Dalai Lama once said, “If you want others to be happy,
practice compassion. If you want to be happy, practice compassion.” His remarks
capture a simple truth: Despite popular belief that happiness depends solely on
you, the way to achieve it may not lie just within yourself, but in your
relationships and interactions with others.
“When we have feelings of caring or love for other people,
we feel better,” clinical psychologist Lisa Firestone, Ph.D., tells The
Huffington Post. “We all think we want to be loved, but what actually feels
good to us is feeling loving – and part of what makes us feel more love for
other people is doing kind, compassionate things for them.”
"Until he extends
the circle of his compassion to all living things, man will not himself find
peace.”
~ Albert Schweitzer..
The good news is, if you don’t normally identify as someone
who is overly empathetic, studies show it’s a habit that can be cultivated. So
how can you tell if you are or not?
Below, find eight signs you’re a truly compassionate person.
01. You find commonalities with other people..
Compassionate people know what it’s like to be down on their
luck, and they keep those experiences in mind to develop a more empathetic
nature, whether through volunteering or just simply networking. “Compassionate
people are very outward-focused because they think and feel about other
people,” Firestone says. “They have that ability to feel others’ feelings, so
they’re very socially connected.”
And turns out, there’s science behind why we feel compassion
toward people who have been in our same boat. In one small study, researchers
found that humans’ sense of compassion actually increases when there’s a common
connection with the other person. “What these results suggest is that the
compassion we feel for others is not solely a function of what befalls them: if
our minds draw an association between a victim and ourselves — even a
relatively trivial one — the compassion we feel for his or her suffering is
amplified greatly,” study researcher and Northeastern University psychology
professor David DeSteno, Ph.D., wrote in The New York Times.
02. You don’t put emphasis on money..
If money doesn’t buy happiness, then according to studies
from the University of California, Berkeley, it doesn’t buy compassion, either.
In one study, researchers found that as someone grew in social class, his or
her compassion for others declined. The findings support previous research that
showed that a higher social class also negatively influences a person’s ability
to pay attention in interactions wither other people, Scientific American
reported.
03. You act on your empathy..
Firestone says a major component of compassion is giving
back, even in the smallest ways. “When we take actions that are caring and
loving, we feel more love in return,” she explains. This is why compassionate
people act on their kindness, whether it’s through volunteering or just being a
shoulder to lean on — and overall they’re much happier for it. “If you’re going
after happiness, you don’t get as happy as you would if you’re going after
generosity,” she says. “A hedonistic way of pursuing happiness really doesn’t
work for most people.”
04. You’re kind to yourself..
“Self-compassion is actually really, really key to becoming
a more compassionate person overall,” Firestone explains. “It’s hard to feel
for other people something we don’t feel for ourselves.”
Practicing self-love is a little different than self-esteem,
is also crucial to beating bad habits in other aspects of our lives. “We often
think the way to change bad behaviors is to beat ourselves up, But self-compassion
is actually the first step in changing any behavior you want to change.” And
there’s science to back it up: According to a study from the University of
California, Berkeley, those who practice self-compassion are more motivated to
improve themselves and go for their goals.
05. You teach others..
Compassionate people don’t want to just keep their gifts to
themselves, they want to impart their knowledge onto other people. As
motivational speaker and author Jen Groover notes, it’s this desire that lies
in the root of all empathetic habits. “True compassion exists when you give
your strength, guidance and wisdom to empower another so that you can see who
you really are and live in a greater capacity and expect nothing in return,”
she wrote. “True grace exists when the ‘teachers’ realize that the gift was
really theirs — to be able to teach another.”
06. You’re mindful..
When you’re exercising compassion, you’re putting yourself
in the moment. Compassionate people aren’t listening and checking their
smartphones at the same time — they’re present, offering their empathetic
response to the story right in front of them.
This awareness is crucial to compassion because it allows
you to really focus on others rather than your own reflections. “Mindfulness
allows us to develop a different relationship to our feelings,” Firestone
explains. “Feelings or thoughts may come up, but with mindfulness we can sort
of see them as clouds floating by. Not getting caught up in our thoughts is
really helpful.”
07. You have high emotional intelligence..
Individuals who are tapped into their own compassion also
seem to be tapped into their own emotions. “It’s partly … being able to see
what’s going on in your mind and other people’s minds,” Firestone explains. “I
think when we can do that we have more compassion toward other people.”
When you’re emotionally intelligent, you also have a greater
sense of morality and you genuinely try to help others – which are all crucial
components of empathy. Compassionate people “understand that other people have
a sovereign mind that sees the world differently than you do — and one isn’t
right and one isn’t wrong,” Firestone says.
08. You express gratitude..
“Doing things that light us up and make us feel good —
people think of that as being selfish, but often that leads us to better
behavior toward other people,” Firestone says. One way to do that is to count
the positives.
Whether or not you’ve committed a lot of compassionate acts
in your life, chances are you’ve been on the receiving end at least once or
twice. Empathetic individuals not only acknowledge those acts of kindness done
unto them, they actively express gratitude for them. “Just thinking about our
gratitude for other people makes us feel happy,” Firestone says. “And it’s
slowing down and expressing those types of things that makes us more caring and
loving.”
Source:postsfromthepath.com
