Kelly Fitzgerald is like a lot of people; living a busy and
social lifestyle. However, that all changed on May 6th, 2013 when she decided
to take her last drink of alcohol.
She made an extremely brave move and decided to go sober.
It’s been over a year now since she took her last drink, and since she has
written an extremely honest report highlighting the drastic and unexpected
benefits she has discovered during her year of sobriety and here are the
lessons she learned:
Image: On the left, a peak drinking time / On the right, a
few weeks ago, almost one year sober.
Wow I can’t even believe I’m typing this! If you’re reading
this it’s because I made it. I made it
to one full year without alcohol. On May
6, 2013 I took my last drink. I will
never forget how it felt. I was sick and
tired of being sick and tired. I was
tired of being the party girl, I was tired of feeling like shit, I was tired of
disappointing and embarrassing my friends and loved ones. I decided I needed a big change. Trying to
drink in moderation hadn’t proved to be the best option for me. It never worked. Enough was enough. I tried something that I never did before –
stopped drinking alcohol completely.
When I started this sober journey I wasn’t sure how long it
would last and now I can’t imagine going back to how my life was before. The positives have been plentiful and the
negatives have been slim to none.
Here’s what I’ve learned in my one year sans alcohol:
01. MY SENSES ARE HEIGHTENED X1000..
Wow I feel everything with a noticeable heightened
sensitivity. This includes emotions,
muscle pain, sense of smell, hearing, and taste. My nose is so sensitive to smells I am ALWAYS
saying “it smells like ___ in here”, or whoa, it smells SO strong. My emotions are crazy, sometimes I think this
is what it must feel like to be pregnant.
I cry at the drop of a hat, I’m offended easily, and sometimes I am so happy
I feel like I’m going to burst. I
actually care what people think about me, I know those of you who know me are
now saying, who are you and what have you done with Kelly? This ‘feeling
everything’ thing can be extremely overwhelming at times, but I’ve never felt
something so amazing.
02. I’M JUST
BEGINNING TO UNDERSTAND WHO I REALLY AM..
I’ve been learning that there are things I thought I liked
that I really don’t like and things I like that
I never knew I did. I’m learning
how to socialize and be myself with friends and family without the crutch of
alcohol. I learned that waking up on the
weekend without a hangover, having a cup of coffee, and going for a run is
exactly what I want to be doing. I’m
learning that person who was under the cloud of constant alcohol black outs for
the last several years was not me. I am
not the stupid embarrassing things I did, I am a real person who does not mix
well with alcohol.
03. ALCOHOL WAS NOT
FUN FOR ME ANYMORE..
I had been trying and failing for years to regulate my
drinking. I’m only going to drink two,
ok three, just on the weekends. It never
worked and I finally figured out why – I’m not a person who can ingest
alcohol. It started out as a fun, social
thing for me years ago, but last year I realized that it wasn’t fun
anymore. In fact it was the root of any
type of problem I had. Bad things
happened to me when I drank and I should have wanted to stop sooner than I did.
04. MY LIFE IS
MANAGEABLE..
When actively drinking my life was a hot mess and I was
comfortable that way. I fought through
the scary first days and months of not drinking and now being sober is my
normal. I’m so glad it is. Bad things would happen in the past and I
always felt like it was the end of the world and drinking was the answer to
everything. Now, I feel more prepared if
something bad were to happen, I am able to handle it in a healthy way. Additionally, less bad things have happened
since I stopped drinking alcohol which was the cause of many problems in the
past. I am now present and thankful for
each day.
05. I AM WORTHY OF
LOVE..
I’m positive I have been sabotaging my romantic
relationships for a long time. Why? Now
that might take years to find out, but the drinking just helped fuel this
problem. It supported, encouraged, and
justified bad decisions of all kinds, especially those related to men. What I didn’t realize until the drinking
stopped was that I am capable of being in a normal relationship and I do in
fact, deserve to be loved. You see, I
had this way of thinking that since I was fucked up, I was meant to be in a
fucked up relationship. Now I know that
is crazy talk. I am lucky enough to be
in a loving, healthy relationship with an amazing man who has helped show me
that I deserve all the love in the world and I am finally starting to believe
him.
06. TOXIC PEOPLE ARE
JUST LIKE TOXIC HABITS..
This is a big one for me.
Obviously when you stop drinking or doing drugs you probably need to
change some friends you hang out with. I
definitely had to do this and I realized just how little I had in common with
some people. I also realized that I had
friends that were completely different from me, without the same goals and
outlook on life. It felt all too
fake. When you make a big life decision
like admitting you have an alcohol problem and decide to to stop drinking, you
really find out who your true friends are.
There are those who will love you unconditionally, those who won’t bat
an eyelash, and those who will still offer you cocktails after they already
know you don’t drink. I’ve encountered
all of the above. Getting rid of my
toxic friendships along with my toxic habits just makes sense and I’m learning
not to feel bad about it.
07. I’M NOT PERFECT
AND THAT’S OK..
Stopping a nasty habit like alcohol abuse can bring out a
lot of guilt, shame, and regret. I’d be
lying if I said I haven’t felt all of the above at times. However, I am realizing feeling all the
emotions I spent years trying to numb is actually a beautiful thing. Not only am I learning to feel them, I’m
learning how to deal with them, and live a healthy and successful life. I have made mistakes along the way and I will
never be perfect. Every day I have to
make a conscious decision not to beat myself up. I am a work in progress and I have come a
LONG way. There are good days and bad
days. Sometimes I feel like life isn’t
fair and I wish I could just drink alcohol normally like everyone else. Mostly, I have accepted that this is the way
my life is, kind of like having five knee surgeries, quitting alcohol has
become one of my stories of perseverance.
I never thought that sobriety would be my preferred way of
life, but now I can’t imagine going back to my party girl ways. I never dreamed I would feel SO happy, full,
and healthy living a life without drugs and alcohol. I was always that girl who needed alcohol to
have fun and now I am a testament to the fact that you don’t need it to enjoy
yourself. I wake up every day feeling relieved that I never have to feel
hungover. I hope that by sharing my
story other party girls (and boys) will have the courage to put down the drink
and live the life they have always imagined.
The best is yet to come.
