We often hear friends
wondering where they're making the right move in marrying their significant
other. The NY Times surveyed what critical questions partners
should be asking each other before taking the final leap, and this list of 15
questions is what relationship experts came back with.
01) Have we discussed whether or not to have children, and if the
answer is yes, who is going to be the primary care giver?
02) Do we have a clear idea of each other’s financial obligations
and goals, and do our ideas about spending and saving mesh?
03) Have we discussed our expectations for how the household will be
maintained, and are we in agreement on who will manage the chores?
04) Have we
fully disclosed our health histories, both physical and mental?
05) Is my
partner affectionate to the degree that I expect?
06) Can we
comfortably and openly discuss our sexual needs, preferences and fears?
07) Will there
be a television in the bedroom?
08) Do we
truly listen to each other and fairly consider one another’s ideas and
complaints?
09) Have we
reached a clear understanding of each other’s spiritual beliefs and needs, and
have we discussed when and how our children will be exposed to religious/moral
education?
10) Do we like and respect each other’s friends?
11) Do we value and respect each other’s parents, and is either of
us concerned about whether the parents will interfere with the relationship?
12) What does my family do that annoys you?
13) Are there some things that you and I are NOT prepared to give up
in the marriage?
14) If one of us were to be offered a career opportunity in a
location far from the other’s family, are we prepared to move?
15) Does each of us feel fully confident in the other’s commitment
to the marriage and believe that the bond can survive whatever challenges we
may face?
Those that fail to ask each other the above
questions may one day find themselves at the center of an explosive dispute --
with much graver consequences than if had you fully shared your perspectives on
these topics beforehand.
So, if you and your partner are looking to get
married, make sure to ask each other this list of questions first, and
hopefully you'll be able to lay all your cards on the table and clarify any
uncertainties between the two of you. If you are able to negotiate and reach a
compromise on the above, you'll be in a great place with your partner.
If these important questions prove helpful to
you, share them with your friends, too.
