Tuesday, July 11, 2017

By: Kaiti Wallace Image: Jem Yoshioka/Flickr

Fairy tale love, a soul feeding connection, twin flames on fire—the type of love people write novels about. It’s real, it’s raw, it’s intense and mind blowing. This love is continuously fiery and fierce on a daily basis. Never dwindling, the desire and want is constant. I was fortunate enough to experience this love—it was just as I had always imagined it to be. Unlimited and pure. A true love fairy tale so intense it would be impossible to imagine if it hadn’t been my reality.
As a young girl I dreamt of falling in love. I dreamt of a love so heart-pounding that it engulfed my entire being. I found this love, and it was romantically flawless in all its glory.

As with anything in life, nothing beautiful comes without sacrifice, pain or struggle. Looking back, however dangerous it was to love that passionately, it would have been cowardice not to take the chance.
Not to have taken the leap of faith would have been to live with regret. Although my experience ended in tragedy, pain and sorrow, I will forever be grateful that I jumped in the first place.

Forever be grateful that I loved.

The moment he clasped his hands on my face, drawing me in to taste his lips, my soul was ignited. That kiss left me breathless and filled me with a warm tingling sensation throughout my whole body. My mind shut off from all of my surroundings—taken away to where dreams are made. It’s the kiss that lasts forever in my mind, as vivid today as it was 15 years ago.
No matter how lost or sad I felt, one smile from him took it all away. His smile alone lit up every sense in me and opened my heart to his. Seeing straight through me, my every expression he read like a book. He saw through the complicated mess of my overthinking mind. Always knowing just what to say to ease the stress. He was complex, he held a deep spiral of thoughts and emotions that were rarely shown. He was brave and strong not wanting anyone to see his worries though the glimpse I had of them was beautiful.
Underneath his tough exterior was the perfect man for me. Braver than most, gentle, warm, deep, sensitive, loyal, respectful and selfless. Everything I had ever wanted, he was. Every strength I lacked he possessed, and vice versa. His only mistake was not offloading his intricate mind to me. Instead, he took the role as protector and tried to guard me from his worries. Being noble, he knew I could handle his concerns, but he didn’t think I should have to. Absolute and boundless, he was rarely dependent.

I wish he knew that I embraced his darkest thoughts as much as he did mine.

Thoughtful and selfless we were toward each other. Our relationship flowed perfectly through all the drama life catapulted our way. Together, nothing was too hard to handle. As a team we could overcome any hurdle. Apart we were fragile and limited to our achievements, in unison anything was possible. It was perfection at its finest.
When our eyes met we became lost, sometimes for hours on end. Staring straight through to each other’s souls. Love was literally pulsating between us. Unbelievable, yes, but so real. We would ask one another, “Do you feel that? It’s so intense” Surreal like the sweetest dream. Only to be described like constant heart flutters and butterflies, the nervous feeling you get when you meet someone you really like. Every touch, smell, waking moment together, that feeling was there. A connection and adoration for each other so profound that the four letter word love never seemed enough to explain it.

Our hearts throbbed for each other. There were times that I thought it would jump out of my chest to meet with his.

We couldn’t get enough of each other, it was agonizing being apart even for an hour. So we rarely were. With every hour that we were not by each other’s side, we appreciated one another’s company even more. Admittedly, I questioned if it was healthy to feel that lost without him. I craved his presence, because in his presence nothing else mattered.
He was my king, my knight in shining armor, the other half of me that I hadn’t even realized was missing.
Soft and lenient, I had been toward others for many years. A pushover and naïve, looking to always see the best in people. Along the way I let them walk all over me. He showed me my worth. I had lost so much being separate from him, but in finding him again I found myself. He returned to me my strength and confidence. I restored to him his faith in love and kindness and gave him hope for peace. He had been cold to the world for many years, I gave him warmth, love and pure happiness again.

There was no need for anything but each other.

Materialistic items no longer mattered to me. He hadn’t cared much for them in the first place. There was no need to escape our time together with digital distractions. We only cared for ourselves and our family. Lost in soul-feeding conversations, words flowed between us endlessly, our views so similar, but differing. When you’re that much in love, there are no arguments, only debates that end in agreeing to disagree. We built a bond so strong nothing could have broken us and nothing ever did. We complimented one another perfectly. Naturally pleased and satisfied each other in every possible way, it was effortless.
Placing another person on the same level as you place yourself, treating that person the way you want to be treated. Truly loving them more than life, never wanting them to suffer hurt or pain. When you do this, how can there ever be arguing? There isn’t, and it’s beautiful! A life filled only with love and blissful happiness every day.
Sure, we had disagreements, but they were discussed and resolved. Never were we nasty or demeaning toward each other. When we each saw only perfection in the others true self, it was impossible to be anything but loving and compassionate.
Blessed we were to experience the type of love most never find. My perception on why it’s rarely found is this: People settle, instinctively give up thinking that it’s only a fairy-tale, that it’s not real.
This type of love is very real—or else, where did the fairy tales come from in the first place?
Fear is life’s adversary. Fear instinctively sets in. Fear of being alone, fear of not knowing, fear that the one doesn’t really exist. I know that they do! It’s possible you may not find them in this lifetime, it’s possible you already have. You may have even let them go because fear stood in the way. If you know who this person is, then you have always known. They have always had your heart and you have always had theirs. There is no doubting your feelings for them and you know they feel the same way without having to say a word. There will be obstacles before this relationship can come to be. Seemingly there will never be the right time.
If you dare to follow your desires you will suffer for it but the beauty, passion and love in the end will make it all worthwhile.
My love was lost without a choice—taken from me through death and I will forever wonder why. A question that will never be answered, a question that should never have to be asked.
This life gave me the most precious gift. The most perfect love, we shared. Our love will last with me through the rest of my time here. Infinitely I am his and he is mine. This love carries me through the days. My heart remains with him and it always will.
Your heart is free. Have the courage to follow it.
This post was republished from elephantjournal.com. You can find the original post here.

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