By: Lauren Martin
Mature couples don’t “fall in
love,” they step into it. Love isn’t something you fall for; it’s something you
rise for.
Falling denotes lowering
oneself, dropping down and being stuck somewhere lower than where you started.
You have to get up from falling.
Love isn’t like that — at least
not with people who are doing it right. Immature couples fall; mature couples
coast. Because love is either a passing game, or it’s forever. Love is either
wrong, or it’s right. A couple is either mature or immature.
How do you know? How can you
tell if your relationship is in it for the long haul or the two-month plummet
everyone predicted behind your love-obsessed back?
First, it should
be easy, from the beginning to end. There are no passionate fights with
passionate make-up sex. There’s no obsessive calling, texting or worrying.
There’s no real
drama. Because drama is for kids. Drama is for
people who don’t know how to have a relationship — who live by idealistic,
preconceived notions that love must be wild and obsessive.
Love is easy.
It’s the easiest thing you’ve ever done. It’s the calmest place in your life,
the safest blanket you’ve ever worn. It’s something that happens naturally; it
doesn’t need to be fought for day in and day out.
When you love
someone, and he or she loves you, and there’s no doubt to his or her feelings
and no doubt to yours, that’s peace of mind. A peace of mind you’ve never had
before.. the kind that humbles and revives you.
A mature
relationship lives by this peace of mind; immature ones drown in it.
Immature
relationships ask questions; mature relationships answer them
Immature
relationships are all about doubts. Does he love me? Is she cheating on me?
Will we be together in two months?
Mature couples
don’t need to ask questions. They already know the answers, and they don’t need
reassurance from their partners.
They are
comfortable and secure and free of doubt because mature love isn’t about all
those small questions, but a comfort in knowing the big one is answered.
Immature
relationships leave you wanting something; mature relationships give you what
you need
There’s a void
in immature relationships, an apparent absence and incessant worry that
something’s missing.
It eats away at
you when you go to sleep or leave each other for just a few hours. It burns
dimly when you’re together, but you wave it off with sex and constant chatter.
Mature
relationships have no void. There are no empty spaces or tiny cracks. There is
never a feeling that something has been taken away or is leaving with the other
person.
The love between
the two mature people fills every crack in the fiber of their being they didn’t
know they had.
Immature
relationships are striving to be one complete person; mature relationships are
okay being two
Immature
relationships are formed by two incomplete people. They are two halves trying
to make one whole.
They are two
people looking for something that can’t be found in another person. They
dominate each other, force themselves together and make one flawed mesh of a
human.
Mature couples
never strive to be one. They are two individual people looking to make two better
people. The love between the two of them isn’t about making both of them whole
again, but more individual.
It’s about
pushing each other to pursue their passions, interests and become the best
person possible.
Immature
relationships lose their drive; mature relationships make you more motivated
We all get
wrapped up in love. It’s easy to spend days in bed and weekends in the hazy
world of blankets and kisses.
But eventually,
that smothering love is replaced with motivated love — a type of love that
comes when you want to make a life with someone and work hard to get that life.
Immature couples never get to this.
They never feel
that motivation to leave each other only to come back more successful and more
determined to make a life for the two of them.
Immature
relationships fight over text messages; mature relationships are always
face-to-face
Fighting is
natural; texting is not. Mature couples do not spend their days bickering over
a screen.
When they have
something to work out, they do it face to face — where the meanings can’t be
misconstrued by emojis and auto correct. Immature couples fuel their
relationship with incessant bickering and lengthy messages.
Immature couples
see long texts as evidence of their “relationship” and find comfort in spending
hours hiding behind their phones. They argue just to argue; mature couples
fight for their future.
Immature
relationships are about trying to find yourself; mature relationships already
know themselves
Relationships
are only for two complete people looking for companionship, yet many incomplete
people look for it to complete them. This is when mature relationships and
immature ones split.
You can’t have a
healthy relationship with two unhealthy people. When you’re trying to use
someone to complete you, you’re creating an incomplete relationship.
Immature
relationships are threatened by everyone else; mature relationships enjoy
meeting other people
There are always
going to be people in your life, pasts to each person and surprises behind
closed doors.
Mature couples,
however, do not feel threatened by strangers and past lovers. They are confident
in their love and their partner’s love.
Immature couples
find threats in everyone. They’re delusional and paranoid because their love is
superficial. They do not have a strong enough foundation to effortlessly glide
past all the distractions and threats.
Immature
relationships live by preconceived timelines; mature relationships let
everything happen naturally
There’s no right
or wrong time to move in together. There’s no specific year to get married and
definitely not a timeline for your life together.
When you’re in
love, things happen at their own pace. You feel things, and you follow your
heart.
Immature
couples, however, don’t have those feelings, those instincts and those
effortless moments. They make up rules and guidelines and assume time is the
only thing that makes or breaks their relationship.
Immature
relationships judge you on your past; mature relationships help you carry it
We all have a
past, and in many cases, one we’re not proud of. We can’t help what happened to
people before we knew them. All that matters is how they are now. Immature
couples, however, refuse to see beyond the past.
Mature couples
don’t just accept one another’s pasts but want to help heal the wounds. They look beyond the mistakes
and the flaws toward the beauty in the future together.
