By: Alex Alexander
Finally, an explanation for why I’m as flat
chested as a 10-year-old boy: my copious coffee consumption.
Blame Starbucks! Blame Starbucks! (Sung to
the tune of “Blame Canada” on South Park.)
Swedish researchers discovered, drinking lots
of coffee reduces the size of women’s boobs. (Don’t researchers study anything
important anymore, like a cure for cancer?)
The chief oncologist of the study, Helena
Jernstroem, was observing data linking large-breasted women to an increased
risk of a breast cancer diagnosis, when she found the link between coffee and
breasts. The correlation being that, those ladies who drink three cups of
coffee per day can decrease the odds of breast cancer.
The Swedish studies (conducted using 270
women) found that about half of women carry the gene that is responsible for
the boob shrinkage in coffee drinkers.
Jernstroem assured us, “They will get smaller
but the breasts aren’t just going to disappear.”
Though she did add, “Anyone who thinks they
can tell which women are coffee drinkers just from their bra measurements will
be disappointed.” Adding, “The problem is that there are two measures for a bra
— the cup size and the girth, so you wouldn’t be able to tell.”
Good thing that the myth of all men drooling
over large boobs is just that: a myth. Therefore, us tiny-cup-sizes can keep on
sipping our flat whites with wild abandon!
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